This blows. The c on my keyboard isn't working, so I have to cut and paste it over and over. Anyway, I'm in a different non-parenting vein tonight. I have a bone disease called osteogenesis imperfecta. Brittle bones. I've had so many breaks over the years. And I have the mildest form. I have several compression fractures in my back and I'm so worried that I have a new one or ones now. I can't do anything about the old ones; they were discovered too late. Damn doctor thought my back pain was muscular. Now I have a new pain and it scares me. I'm scared because this time something could be done about it, surgery. How the hell can I have surgery right now? I have a 2-month old baby! I have a 2-year old!

Now I'm having a spiritual crisis. I'm trying to pray, but I don't know what to pray for. Healing? The fractures to just not be there? To not be in continuing worsening pain for the rest of my life?

I shouldn't feel sorry for myself. I should count my blessings, right? I have a nice home, good marriage, and two healthy children. But I still feel this way. I'm still asking "why me?"

This blows.
- posted by Anne @ 9:51 PM